So in France, when someone is really ugly, you call them a tuna, which I believe is way more potent than "dog." Dogs are cute, but man, to wake up with a tuna in your bed is really serious.

So, you guessed it. This is the analogous ugly list. Because not all soccer players are created equally. I am throwing out Ronaldinho (Brazil) and Franck Ribery (France). Not that they aren't both awesome players and probably people...