So, I haven't been writing on my blog. Every post has either been a brief comment or simply a link to some other cool thing that someone else is doing. I have been incredibly busy with school (which helps to keep my mind of my other anxieties : namely, having no job, no money, a lot of expensive obligations, and an ever-expanding blackness on my innards that is fed by these anxieties.) I am doing well in school, but every time I get frustrated I revert back to my wish upon a star, which is to be an adult, with an adult lifestyle, meaning disposable cash and a direction. Social life has been brilliant. Lots of parties and dinners and a combination of new and recurring characters. I am slowly collecting a group of friends who are really cool. Who are my age and thinking on my level. People to go to exhibits with and explore new bars with and eat dinner with, get coffee with. The invitations are beginning to become more and more frequent and are often addressed to me and not "us." Not that I mind the us invitations, they are fun too.

I have discovered the beauty of dancing. I have always been more of a talker at parties, but the other night, at a friend's Def Jam birthday party, I went nutzo. A guy I met there, who is a total sweetheart, married to a Japanese woman, said that what he likes about American women is that no matter what the music is, they can dance to it. Not the same eighties throwback bobbing that French girls seem to apply to every style. I like watching other people move. I like trying to get inside the music and really let my body react. I have found myself dancing alone in our living room to The Clash and Weezer and Mutantes and Serge Gainsbourg. The radio, eurotrash, hip hop. Anything. I figure it's a good substitute for the pool. I haven't been going because the pool by our house is closed and has been closed since we moved here and will be closed until Dec. 31. Although, it is France and this date will most likely be extended. Oh, well. I am getting my belly back and I can't say that it upsets me that much. It is a very cute belly.

I have been having some major blow-outs with members of a group project, which I am coming to realize are almost entirely culture (oh, ok, a tiny bit truly is personal.) I feel like the more French I understand, the less I like the French. It is a sad state of affairs, but I think France and its people are much more attractive when it remains clouded a little bit in mystery. I always found the French to be a quiet people who had a bad reputation because they are not inclined toward the big American hugs or smiles or superficial banter. But I miss this superficial banter and I hope I get my fair share when I am in Rochester and New York City next week. The truth is that, compared to American customs and habits, which are genuinely warm (although I don't deny the huge assholes that often hide behind this attractive demeanor), French mannerisms really do seem incredibly crass. They place great value on opinions. I come from a place that seeks consensus and fears conflict. Rochester NY was voted the nicest city in the USA and it is no wonder that my feelings get hurt when someone interrupts me or tells me that September 11th was a good thing. There may have been a moment in my life, while trying to understand all sides of the story, that I may have looked to integrate this opinion into my own, but I find it naive, soul-less and brainless to support this position now. No good has come from September 11th. Thousands of people died that day and continue to die as a result. And the French can't understand that. They past a law banning young women to wear a veil to school, claiming that the French Republicanism depends on the separation of church and state, while all federal holidays are based on saint's days. Their anti-americanism is institutionalized and used as a political tool in order to keep even the intellectual elements of French society looking away from their own corrupt government and severe economic and social problems. I still adore living in Paris. I have a great friends and every day I learn a little bit more. But I fear that sometimes knowledge can make one bitter. I look to Harpo Marx for inspiration. There is something so pure and good that emanates from him. And I want to find that part of myself.

Hello! I haven't been posting frequently because I am in the middle of exams (French administrative law totally blows, by the way) AND because I am in a crisis over the direction I want to take Mandounette in. I seem to have lost my center. But, please don't give up on me! I promise that after this weekend, I will get back on the posting bandwagon.

Until then...

Anyway, I will be in NYC for New Year's. To avoid the inevitable New Year's Eve panic, I am trying to feel out my options for the festivites now. If you will be in NYC for the Eve, let me know. Perhaps we can rock out together!

KQED, a public broadcaster from Northern California, has been working on these "devil's advocate" activities since 2001. Basically, they present you with information contrary to your opinions to show you what the other side thinks. I didn't really change my opinion on anything, but it gives you some excellent information to help you back up all of your half-baked or intuitive opinions (this goes for righties as well as lefties.)

http://www.kqed.org/topics/news/perspectives/youdecide/