Monday, December 19, 2005
Pulled a Bobby Fisher
I've been lost. I don't know when it happened sometime in early October I think, compounded by a poignant and difficult return to the US in November, another semester at Crap U, intermittent insomnia and just a lot of negative energy emanating from me and from those around me.
Today, recovering from a weekend dinner party disastah, Nutella joined me for lunch, served by Nuns in the basement of the Madeleine and then I followed her to this new age shop around the corner. She was looking for pendulums and stones. I was looking for a way back to my life. Although I didn't know that. But the smell of the Nag Champa and the myriad of colored stones and tarot decks helped guide the lost part of me back. I used to really be into astrology as some people may remember. I don't believe in horoscopes and forecasts. I believe in the soothing and therapeutic nature of the exercise. The sharpening of intuition and instincts. The great connection it gives you to other people. In other words, everything that has been missing in my life.
With my wedding looming in the near future (April 1, it's official!), I have been asking my self a lot of questions, particularly about my relationship with AssRay. One of my hang-ups has come from the reality that my wedding will be performed by a public official who, in my eyes, is just above lunch box in terms of the spirituality it exudes. Is this terribly routine and icy marriage rite a sign of a relationship that lacks higher vibrations?
But today, I realized that my relationship can not vibrate higher, if I myself am letting myself groan along miserably in this world, listening to heroin-inspired drab rock and feeling devastated every time someone bumps me or criticizes me.
I am not completely sure of my whereabouts at this moment, but I am more confident that things will eventually look familiar again, even if it just means getting used to the new surroundings.
This year for Christmas, I send you all of my warmest and most positive energy and I hope you will all take a few moments to send out a bit of your own into the world.
And if you wanted to know the one thing that I don't like talking about? It's money. Voilou!
Today, recovering from a weekend dinner party disastah, Nutella joined me for lunch, served by Nuns in the basement of the Madeleine and then I followed her to this new age shop around the corner. She was looking for pendulums and stones. I was looking for a way back to my life. Although I didn't know that. But the smell of the Nag Champa and the myriad of colored stones and tarot decks helped guide the lost part of me back. I used to really be into astrology as some people may remember. I don't believe in horoscopes and forecasts. I believe in the soothing and therapeutic nature of the exercise. The sharpening of intuition and instincts. The great connection it gives you to other people. In other words, everything that has been missing in my life.
With my wedding looming in the near future (April 1, it's official!), I have been asking my self a lot of questions, particularly about my relationship with AssRay. One of my hang-ups has come from the reality that my wedding will be performed by a public official who, in my eyes, is just above lunch box in terms of the spirituality it exudes. Is this terribly routine and icy marriage rite a sign of a relationship that lacks higher vibrations?
But today, I realized that my relationship can not vibrate higher, if I myself am letting myself groan along miserably in this world, listening to heroin-inspired drab rock and feeling devastated every time someone bumps me or criticizes me.
I am not completely sure of my whereabouts at this moment, but I am more confident that things will eventually look familiar again, even if it just means getting used to the new surroundings.
This year for Christmas, I send you all of my warmest and most positive energy and I hope you will all take a few moments to send out a bit of your own into the world.
And if you wanted to know the one thing that I don't like talking about? It's money. Voilou!
