Monday, May 29, 2006
Obsolescently (re)Commencing Daily
For my fifth birthday I received a 26-volume dictionary, each volume dedicated to one letter of the alphabet and containing a picture book and a cassette. I took on the massive task of listening to all 26 of them in one sitting. So I started with A and made it halfway through B before I couldn't take it anymore. The next day, I gave it another shot. I started with A. I did this every day for what seemed like months until the A booklet had crumbled and the heads had mangled the A cassette. Then I gave up, because without the A, I could never achieve my goal. I don't think I ever got past C.
Soon after, I began taking piano lessons. Same thing. If I made an error somewhere in the piece, I didn't try to fix it, I went back to the beginning and hoped I would make it through the second time. I was never a very good piano player.
By high school, when I no longer had the limitless free time of childhood, I took the advice of my oboe teacher who promoted efficient practicing. Never start at the beginning, just go straight to the spot that troubles you, practice until it is flawless and move on to the next problem spot.
But lately, I have been having dreams that I am in high school or college, 16 or 20 years old and I have the chance to choose what I want to do with my life. I never hesitate to choose a direction (although the career changes from dream to dream).The path I need to take is always clear and straight. I know I will have to work hard, but I am not scared like I was when I was really 16 or 20. I am so grateful to have the chance to make a choice and start from the beginning again.
When I wake up I realize that my path is in fact a twisting labyrinth full of pitfalls, quicksand, sleeping potions, and the occasional David Bowie sighting. I desperately want to throw my past away and start over again. I would give anything to be 18 and looking through a college catalog without forgetting all that I have learned up until now. But I suppose this is a moment when I should go right to the problem spot and get through it rather than play the things I am good at over and over again.
Soon after, I began taking piano lessons. Same thing. If I made an error somewhere in the piece, I didn't try to fix it, I went back to the beginning and hoped I would make it through the second time. I was never a very good piano player.
By high school, when I no longer had the limitless free time of childhood, I took the advice of my oboe teacher who promoted efficient practicing. Never start at the beginning, just go straight to the spot that troubles you, practice until it is flawless and move on to the next problem spot.
But lately, I have been having dreams that I am in high school or college, 16 or 20 years old and I have the chance to choose what I want to do with my life. I never hesitate to choose a direction (although the career changes from dream to dream).The path I need to take is always clear and straight. I know I will have to work hard, but I am not scared like I was when I was really 16 or 20. I am so grateful to have the chance to make a choice and start from the beginning again.
When I wake up I realize that my path is in fact a twisting labyrinth full of pitfalls, quicksand, sleeping potions, and the occasional David Bowie sighting. I desperately want to throw my past away and start over again. I would give anything to be 18 and looking through a college catalog without forgetting all that I have learned up until now. But I suppose this is a moment when I should go right to the problem spot and get through it rather than play the things I am good at over and over again.
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