AssRay and I have finally synchronized our vacation time (the last 2 weeks of August) which means we can stop fantasizing and actually put Operation Fumbling Tourists into action. As of last night, we seemed to have settled upon 2 weeks in Israel and I was actually getting pretty excited about it--the Dead Sea, the Mount of Olives, the coral reef of the Red Sea, etc. However, looking at flight prices kind of dampened my enthusiasm. Looked like we would have to pay about 600 euros a person to get to Tel Aviv, with a layover in Vienna. But we would pay very little for hotels, as we can stay with Ste's family in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, splurging just a little for the touristy hedonism of Eilat. And I hope to down falafels like scoops of gelato.

But another opportunity has presented itself--a weird yet somehow seductive alternative. On August 20 my former boss and good friend will be presenting the world premiere of his "performance oratorio in four colors," (in collaboration with a lecherous Italian painter who once guided me through the Barnett Newman retrospective in Philly), titled "Machunas." For those that are curious, it is based on the life of George Maciunas, the founder of the Fluxus movement. Here's a link to the official Web site. www.machunas.com

So where will this all be going down?

Well, Vilnius of course.

In fact, it will be a central event during the 11th annual Christopher Arts Festival, which takes place in the streets and buidlings of the Lithuanian capital. (Yes, Vilnius is in Lithuania, for those who a baffled by former Soviet Union geography.)

I have never had a burning desire to explore the Baltic countries, it seems a little too Patty-and-Selma-Bouvier as a tourist destination. But I have witnessed the genesis of this project and would be thrilled to be at its premiere. Not to mention to have the opportunity to throw back a few midus (ricockulously strong Lithuanian liquor) with some good friends.

I did a little bit of research. In Lithuania, some of the biggest tourist attractions include a giant Soviet-era, still operational nuclear power plant, a statue honoring Frank Zappa, a hill covered in tens of thousands of homemade devotional crosses, and a sandbar peninsula (not too different geographically from the Outer Banks of North Carolina) that juts into the Baltic. Oh, and did I mention that there is also world-famous beer, vodka, and flavored liquors? And that you can still find hostel accommodations for little more that $2 a night?

So will we trade the Red Sea for the Baltic? Will I be eating gelatinous potato dough instead of falafels? Drinking Kalnapilis instead of Maccabee?

To be continued...