So, I am a bit hungover from last night's election festivities. Not from drinking too much, mind you (saving that for after the results are announced), but simply from the exhaustion of running my Elections Results Center which included a webcast from BBC Radio, French television coverage, and a constantly refreshing CNN page. The numbers were never the same in all three locations, making me highly aware of the problematic nature of our mix'n'match electoral system.

I fell asleep around 7 am with visions of "4 more years" dancing maniacally in my head. It wasn't pleasant. I woke up to find a repeat of 2000, only this time I am more conceding and less indignant. It seems that neither side has much in the way of ethical standards, between a "voter group" (sponsored by the GOP) calling thousands of newly registered voters to tell them that their registration wasn't approved and they couldn't vote and Dean supporters signing up new voters and conveniently "losing" the applications of those who register for the wrong party (this from a personal story that was related to me), I am pretty discouraged about the state of my country.

Why, oh why, oh why oh. Why does it depend on Ohio?

And although the election is still "in process", I would like to give some awards:

Lamest states:
2nd Runner-up: Nebraska
1st Runner-up: Wyoming
Winner: Utah

Americans I really don't get:
2nd Runner-up: Young people who vote GOP
1st Runner-up: People who are pro-life AND pro-capital punishment AND pro-war
Winner: Hicks who think their podunk town is somehow the next Al-Qaeda target

Best survival strategies in case of Bush victory:
2nd Runner-up: Move to a foreign country
1st Runner-up: Move to a Red state and start raising havoc
Winner: The Daily Show and hard liquor

Reasons to Avoid the South Beach Diet:
2nd Runner-up: Development of brain cloud induced by a carb deficiency
1st Runner-up: Bill Clinton's hanging neck skin
Winner: Low carb bread

What it takes to oust an incumbent President:
2nd Runner-up: Loss of 585,000 jobs over 4 years, devaluation of the dollar, price of oil sky-rocketing

1st Runner-up: over 100,000 people dead and still no WMDs

Winner: Refusing to admit any mistakes or suggest any solutions to improve the lives of Americans

As if.

Apparently, you no longer need to do a good job to get re-elected, just scare the shit out of people and choose your special interests carefully. I admit that I don't understand Red people and to be totally honest their mere existence makes me queasy. But to be fair, they sure as hell don't understand me and think I'm the devil himself.

All I can say is that if the draft is reinstated, it better be in the fuckin' Red states that go first. It only seems fair.