So, I have officially been in Paris for 1 year.

My feelings are ambivalent about this. I am proud for making it this far, disappointed that I don't feel more settled, scared that I have no more money, hopeful that I will be settled before the end of 2004 (but not too settled). I feel incredibly lucky to have Stephane as my partner in crime. Without him, I would have thrown myself into the Seine long ago. (Although, because none of the bridges are really high enough, I probably wouldn't have died unless the mutated piranhas ate me.)

What kind of scares me is that while the first time I was in Paris felt so long, and I remember so many little details, this time the year in my memory is a blur of movies, and family dinners, and passing friendships, and fleeting moments of inspiration that were quickly dissolved by ennui and bureaucratic frustration. Nothing meaty for me to hold on to. But, I am here at least for one more year and probably a few more after that, so there is no use wishing the past had been better. Only time to make sure the future is fan-fucking-tastic.