Monday, September 13, 2004
Blah
Stephane and I arrived back in Paris yesterday morning after 9 wonderful days in Istanbul. A short vacation according to French standards, but a much-needed one for both of us.
Yes, I know it may seem that I have been on vacation pretty much for the past year, and in many ways that is true. However, after one year (11 months for you sticklers), poetic meandering and wide-eyed enthusiasm are giving away to routines, obligations, and frustrations. The same things that plagued me in Rochester, in Ithaca, and in New York City. My year of discovery has been a success and I am now on my way to becoming one kickass English-teaching, dissertation writing, trying-to-stay-afloat American expat.
Having a direction feels fantastic, but I have to say that I am a little disappointed. Even with the decisions made, the contracts signed, the preparations for my visa and studies in progress, I still feel like I am drowning in uncertainty. There have been problems with my university application, which has been passed between 3 different administrative staff members, its future still uncertain. No acceptance letter, no visa! I can't work until I have my visa and I know that the French Consulate can reject me for any reason without telling me why. My parents are coming to visit on Friday and ideas for 10 magical days in Paris are bouncing around in my head, including cleaning my house, finding a DaVinci Code tour that doesn't cost a fortune, figuring out handicapped transportation, thinking of restaurants that won't terrify the sheltered palates of two Western New York natives. All of this is slowly eating away at my sleep and my stomach lining.
I guess I still have a lot of work to do on reducing my anxiety. Such is the plight of a recovering perfectionist and overachiever. When I was in Istanbul, my worries were easily obscured by endless quantities of eggplant, sour cherry juice, nargileh smoke, tea, and raki. But now, back in rainy Paris, as my body detoxes, the fog is lifting. Strangely as my vision becomes clearer, my future seems foggier.
Yes, I know it may seem that I have been on vacation pretty much for the past year, and in many ways that is true. However, after one year (11 months for you sticklers), poetic meandering and wide-eyed enthusiasm are giving away to routines, obligations, and frustrations. The same things that plagued me in Rochester, in Ithaca, and in New York City. My year of discovery has been a success and I am now on my way to becoming one kickass English-teaching, dissertation writing, trying-to-stay-afloat American expat.
Having a direction feels fantastic, but I have to say that I am a little disappointed. Even with the decisions made, the contracts signed, the preparations for my visa and studies in progress, I still feel like I am drowning in uncertainty. There have been problems with my university application, which has been passed between 3 different administrative staff members, its future still uncertain. No acceptance letter, no visa! I can't work until I have my visa and I know that the French Consulate can reject me for any reason without telling me why. My parents are coming to visit on Friday and ideas for 10 magical days in Paris are bouncing around in my head, including cleaning my house, finding a DaVinci Code tour that doesn't cost a fortune, figuring out handicapped transportation, thinking of restaurants that won't terrify the sheltered palates of two Western New York natives. All of this is slowly eating away at my sleep and my stomach lining.
I guess I still have a lot of work to do on reducing my anxiety. Such is the plight of a recovering perfectionist and overachiever. When I was in Istanbul, my worries were easily obscured by endless quantities of eggplant, sour cherry juice, nargileh smoke, tea, and raki. But now, back in rainy Paris, as my body detoxes, the fog is lifting. Strangely as my vision becomes clearer, my future seems foggier.
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